yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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