Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
