The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
