You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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