Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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