Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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