you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
