was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
