I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
