So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
