i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
