Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
