I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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