she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i think my cat just said my name.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
