I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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