Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
