the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
