Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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