I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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