Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
