My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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