life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
