Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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