i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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