Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
