Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
