My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize