she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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