I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
