I accidentally burped into my bong.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
