All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
