How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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