conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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