I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize