3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
