Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
