So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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