She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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