It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
