which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
either way he was missing a nipple.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
