I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
