MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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