I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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