Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
