Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
