No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
