I accidentally had phone sex last night
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Randomize
