I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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