I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
