I'm sorry my penis didn't work
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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