Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
