I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
As shirtless as possible
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
