You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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