tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
We smell like vodka and hangover
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