i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
