I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
