We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
