Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
This house was built for laser tag.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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