I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
