shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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