At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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