Kiss
Puke
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
