The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
