I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
