so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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