you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
