Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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