we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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