i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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