I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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