whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
