do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
