I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
